This letter is to all single mothers out there. I hope you find strength; and a good husband.
Dear single mother,
My name is Deji but I’m not a single father. Not because I’ve not had opportunities to birth babies nor for lack of available baby mamas. I am not a single father because I have not impregnated any lady and not be put in the position to abort nor deny my sperm.
So, you must understand how I greatly appreciate you. For one reason or the other, probably by a moment of weakness, you became pregnant outside wedlock but you chose not to kill that baby. You are my MVP.
I sometimes try to understand the psychological drudgery you must have put yourself through. I know it can be difficult being victim of attacks from a sanctimonious society who probably contributed to your dilemma but won’t have spared you the brunt of their suicidal and acidic tongue. But really, my respect for you is from the battle you fought inside yourself and won.
Things people would have said about you, hurtful as it must have been, were nothing compared to what you must thought of yourself. Thank you for winning. Your boy/girl is probably thankful for it.
While I’m at it, let me use this space to say thank you to your parents. Funny, I can guess your mum would have been the world to you at this point. Why not? She’s a woman but more importantly, she’s a mother. She probably was disappointed in you and she told you it. But then, her love was proportionate to the pains of labour.
Your dad also must have been really hurt. He probably sacrificed to put you through education. In fact, he probably warned you against your wayward steps, cautioning you against following boys. But you probably thought he was too hard and harsh so you outsmarted him. You brought home pregnancy yet he looked out for you in his own way.
There must have some friends and siblings alongside your tears who helped wipe it. Some of them came to you during raising the baby, helping you so that you can get some shut-eye. Some even gave you money out of sincerity and care. They weren’t single mothers but they understood you. They weren’t single fathers waiting to test the already tested honey pot. They genuinely cared and helped you win.
I must not fail to cast aspersions on your sperm donors who eloped with your dignity too. I wish to include that I understand them, but I really want to hate them. My daddy taught me to always avoid what I can, so that when anything happens, I can say I did my best. But for them, they probably intentionally had contentious sex with you but developed cold feet when it was time to cash out their deposit.
This letter is not for them though. It is to you who is raising a generation – first from your womb and then from your words and acts and sacrifices. I write this letter to you to make you feel good about yourself and know you’ve done something good. I’m writing to make you realise we aren’t all after your failures. Sometimes, your failures are our failures.
I’ll be dropping my pen but my heart is still full. I am not a fool, I know you tried. And I’m saying it. Whatever you do, be proud of your children. Meanwhile, don’t be scared to fall in love again. That one mistake should not be an hindrance to your love life. And if you choose to find the satisfaction of life in somewhere else, be it career or religion or anything, it’s okay. Just make sure you are not being vindictive about it. Love will still find you.
Meanwhile, please introduce me to your kid. What’s his or her name? How is s/he doing? How’s her/his education? Is s/he making good friends and growing well? I trust God in you to raise them well.