Dear young woman,
Moral highhandedness without spiritual balance as level is a gunpowder uprightness.
I am taking a big risk going down this route, even as a writer, but I was hoping the goodwill I have accrued over the years will be enough cover for me, and open minded lenses for you.
Follow me, please.
1. It is okay to hold yourself to a high moral standard, most especially one that has been formed from experiences. We are all products of experiences, ours and others.
2. There is a difference between moral standards formed from parental/elderly guiding, personal experiences (especially sour ones) and second hand experiences.
3. Parental/elderly guiding probably help shaped you as a teenager to form objectives, world views and even probably a life.
4. Second hand experiences are those lessons you read, hear and interact with as a result of your relationships with people. You hear something happened to someone, and you make it a standard to ensure something like that happens or not happen to you.
5. Personal experiences are the strongest. They are things and lessons that actually happened to you; the good, the bad and the ugly. Thus, you developed moral standards from them. They run deeper, stronger and more difficult to influence. After all, they happened to YOU.
6. I am specific on the bad and ugly experiences right now. The ones you’ve had with men, women, work places, friends, social media and the sorts that have turned you in a hard boiled, fire-spitting, motivational guru. Yeah, they are the ones I’m talking about.
7. You must realise that, whilst you are not wrong to form these high handed moral standards for yourself, without a commensurate spiritual leveler that will keep your hardness in check, you are silently heading towards a state of depression that could be fatal.
8. By spiritual levelers, I’m talking of deep spiritual understandings of the core of who you are and why you live. I’m not talking of motivational messages that only seeks to rouse your self esteem and egotistical pride of your idea of womanhood. There must be a deeply rooted relationship on a spiritual level with the true nature of you, God and your relationship together.
9. Few days ago, I watched as my good friend, Oluwadamilola Abe reeled out few of her post-breakup experiences. Chief of what I took from it, was how much grounded and sound she was (and is) spiritually. She is not someone who came out of a bad relationship with a new level of motivated hatred or sanctimonious morality. Her understanding of the scriptures and God’s purpose for her were crystal clear.
10. Likewise, I’ve watched Tomi Omotoso make some claims that some other ladies also make (to be fair to them), but the difference is how much grounded she is in the knowledge of God for her and her life. For her, it is no more guesswork. The journey of discovery has been God-paved all along.
11. Unfortunately, I have seen other women whose moral high handedness is based on nothing but guesswork and psychological gyrations of the brain, and a heart that has been trampled upon in the days of ignorance. Without a commensurate spiritual leveler that can counterbalance the effect of this moral high handedness, I’m afraid they are just a walking time bomb; waiting to explode.
12. Therefore, as a woman, you must realise this difference. So much that even when you hurt and are going through really tough times, you are comforted deeply in God; not the I-message and glorification of the mind to reach some certain conclusions, enough to build walls and barriers, instead of bridges.
13. When you do this, you will most likely not be alienated from people who could actually help you (not physically). One of the greatest demerits of the self acclaimed moral high handedness is the lie of the devil in believing you are alone, and no one cares nor understands. It is a lie to separate you for destruction. Suicide is easy when you feel alone.
14. There are lots of veils out there. Some you wore them by yourself, some others put them on you. Like Booky Glover said, “A young lady is headed for disaster if she chooses to see the world as black and white. Good and evil. While that’s the way God created the world, he also put colours in the midst of the wide opposites. There’s pink, yellow, green and so on. So yeah, hold on to the principles but have a check with the spirit inside of you. Know when to literally remove the headset and goggles. Know when to see beyond what your physical eyes can see.”
15. Need I say more? I don’t think so. But like I said earlier, these are difficult times, and this is a tricky subject of discussion. As I have been encouraged, “say the truth, and hope for the best.” I really hope you will see the best in these words. Finally, remember, suicide is a bad choice. Don’t make it.