Dear young man,
A good man like you can sometimes make a bad judgement call…
(I believe you’re a good man)
…but the people around you must trust you enough to know it was just a bad call.
Recently, I ran foul of one of the simple plans my babe and I had made – tell each other everything. Now that I think of it, it was one of the agreements we made right from the beginning. And to be fair, I have largely kept to it. However, like I said, I ran foul of it once and it was a big deal for our relationship. Not because it was ‘just once’, but because it was what it is, a big deal.
The only good thing that worked for me was that, she knew I was not like that. It sounds so simple, but like I once wrote to you, never underestimate the place of ‘knowing’. My explanation and apology was only able to hold waters because she knew I am a good person who made a bad judgement call on one of the core principles of our relationship.
It probably had happened to you too, I know.
I am not giving you a manual on which to operate your relationships with your partners, friends, colleagues and families. I only hope to remind you (and hopefully, you will be able to translate it in words and live it out in actions to the people you love). When things turn sour and tough, and you make mistakes (not because you are a bad person nor because you are wicked to not care nor is foolish to make the same mistakes over), one of the goodwill you will rely on would be how much of a good person they know you are.
The people around you (that matters) must never be in doubt about how good you are as a person. They must have seen you at your strongest moments and your lowest ebbs to know your principles about certain issues of life. Once they doubt, you are already fighting a losing battle.
Muhammed Ali, the famous boxer once said, “To be a great champion you must believe you are the best. If you’re not, pretend you are.” His words might be inadequate to buttress my point, but I want you to realise that belief is a product of knowledge. People around must know, before they believe. And the first port of call for this journey, is yourself.
If you are a good man, make it known – to the people that matter at least. You will one day walk a path you should not have walked just because you made a momentous bad call and someone (your partner) got hurt but the difference would be believing it was intentional as a bad person or a bad call as a good person.
When they know, it is more difficult to let you fight it alone. When they know, they are able to bear the consequences with you. Death is quicker when hope is lost. It is easier to fizzle away and stop trying once hope has been lost. Once they lose hope in you, they can easily walk and let you die.
Over to you!
Dear young man,
Marriage is not a must.
You’re shocked? I know. I used to be like you. There are lots of things I love about marriage. I love to say “Wait, let me discuss it with my wife first”. I love to look at the mother of my children and be like, “Awon mummy wa niyen.” (That’s our mummy – of course all of us know our mummy😁). I love marriage.
There’s a good pride that comes with being married. As in, you can make love on a Sunday morning and still go to church to raise holy hands to the Lord. You can be pregnant with pride – the same pregnancy that is a proof of sex!
I love the bond that exists between married people I once dated someone for about three years. By the second year or so, we already look so much alike. When we walked together, we were mistaken for siblings. Imagine what would happen to a marriage of 10 years when everything has entered each other?😉
Marriage is beautiful, yeah.
However, one thing I have realised over the years is a simple message; when purpose is not featured in your life, you have no business getting married!
Remember that saying, “Behind every successful man is a woman”, yeah? It’s TRUE but incomplete. A woman who will STAND behind a man must meet the man STANDING. If not, she will stand and you will what?! Funny, you don’t even have to be outstanding just yet. All you would need to do is STAND.
Unfortunately, you cannot stand if there is no UNDER under your stand. What are you standing on? Sex? Money? Machismo? Ego? Vain morals? Are you even standing at all?! To stand, you must have a purpose.
Dr. Chadwick Boseman (I bet you didn’t know he was a doctor) in his 2018 Commencement Speech at the Howard University, where he graduated and was conferred on with the honorary degree, Doctor of Humane Letters said and I transcribe;
“When you have reached the hilltop and you’re deciding on the next job, next steps, career, further education, marriage (I’m adding that) you would rather find purpose than a job or career. Purpose crosses discipline or career. Purpose is an essential element of you. It is the reason you are on the planet at this particular time and history. Your very existence is wrapped up in the very things you are here to fulfill. Whatever you choose, remember your struggles along the way are meant to shape you for your purpose.”
That’s my point in cancerous brief! (Oh yeah, he already had cancer while giving this speech). Purpose is the thing that makes you stand and stay in the place of process! And marriage is not excluded as a process! You don’t build marriages in a day! You don’t even build it in weeks or months! Purpose is the under that every solid foundation stands upon! And your marriage or marital journey is not an exemption!!!
It’s good to get married, yeah. But if you do it without purpose, you will fall and fail. I remember a young man once asked, “Why should I get married?” I replied, “You don’t have to marry as long as you don’t see the purpose in it or for it.”
I said, “Look at your life, now and in the future, does a woman feature in it as a wife?! Look at your purpose, does a wife feature in it? Once you find purpose, no one would need to tell you whether to get married or not.”
I’m saying the same words to you right now. Find your purpose before you find a wife. He who finds a wife finds a good thing includes obtaining mercy from the Lord. Question is, mercy to do what?! To just have sex and born children?! If you don’t have purpose first, that mercy will not come, even if you find a woman.
Remember my final words; find purpose before finding a wife. Purpose before marriage.
I said these words!
Dear young man,
Chadwick Boseman died at age 43, leaving behind a wife, families and most importantly, legacies.
He suffered from colon cancer but even though knowing he would die, featured in a number of ground breaking movies such as Blank Panther, Avenger Series (Civil War, Infinity War,and Endgame), Thurgood Marshall, 21 Bridges, and 5 Bloods.
He was in these films, attending shoots during surgeries and chemotherapy sessions. He was a fighter who kept his disease from public eye for four years (2016-2010). What a fighter.
By doing these, he portrayed the depth of his strength while alive, giving us memories through his pains, legacies through his failings. The royalty of King T’Challa was one of strength, purpose, forgiveness, and focus.
You will be in his shoes one day. You are already in his shoes. Black Panther was the nimble, very regal hero who used the teachings of his father and culture to project the singularity of his soul to seeing the world better.
Through Wakanda, he created a bridge between good and bad, between the decaying world and one preserved by beautiful values of a people. In his portrayals, Chadwick presented King T’Challa in ways I like to think only he could have.
And who else to understand that strength better than someone who is dying. Who else was going to believe and internalise the cheer purpose of a life, full of immense power, both physical and regal, but controlled by sound teachings and doctrines that have been heightened by the stares of death in the face?!
He was our black hero. Every African child looked up to him. He was an inspiration to us all. Alive, he was the kind of hero we all wanted to be. He almost seemed perfect, so much that his imperfections were beautiful.
I wish you would take a cue from him; both from Chadwick Boseman, King T’Challa and the Black Panther. Do not think about nothing else buy purpose. Think about nothing else but influence. So much so that even if you were to die today, your life would have lived to the fullest, however young.
Reminds me of a friend we recently celebrated one year of his death, Pdre. Even though he died at 31, Pdre lived his life, affecting lives as much as he could. He was everywhere, even on his sick bed. That’s the kind of life I want to be known for.
And that is the kind of life I live. Amen.
Dear young man,
The rain that flog you is the same waters that will wet your seeds.
My dad would always tell me, “Any favour my friends or the friends of your mother do for you, every money they give you, every help they render is because of me and your mother”. I used to think I was entitled to the help and favours older people, especially people from church and close family relations, people I met somewhere along my life render to me.
After all, I was a diligent man. I was committed to any and every task they give me. I did it to the best of my abilities, and ol boy, I was very good at it. However, I have realised in life, that first the opportunity I have to be around was because of the choices my parents made.
One of my daddy’s younger sister gave me #10,000 when I gained admission into OAU that year. I had gone to spend some weeks with her, prior to the admission. I played the good boy role, yeah. Another time, another sister gave me some money too after holidaying with her. On both occasions, my strong head youth prevailed, I didn’t tell my parents.
Eventually, my dad found out!
Another time, an elderly friend, who is like a son to my mum gave me some money. I didn’t tell them at home too. Those were my stubborn days. Until my dad sat me down, and explained the kind of childhood he grew up in with his sisters.
I heard the story of a lifetime. Unknown to me, my dad had made some sacrifices for his sisters. Yet, since he is doing fine, he has no reason to depend on his sisters. His sisters in turn, decided to repay some of his sacrifices on them by giving to his son.
Unfortunately, the son was a big headed fool who denied his dad the chance to say ‘thank you’ to his sisters, even if he had done more for them before I came along. Eventually, I have realised that more than 70% of the help I have received, despite how good I am was as a result of the consideration of who my dad was to the helper or what my mum had done for them in the past.
That’s the truth. The pains you go through now in helping people, putting them before you and spending out of the little you have, it is just rain hurting you now but will wet your seeds, your children, when the time comes.
Please, bear the rain. Please, plant well.
Few years down the lane, I hope you have seeds who will appreciate the help they receive in return for these years you are sowing.
The love that did not find you was not a punishment.
Every love you find in a woman is not a reward, either.
Love is not a weapon, it is not something you use to punish someone, whether the presence or absence of it.
When you love a woman, love for you. When you find love in a woman, you must realize it is not a reward for what you did, whether to the woman or other people.
If you do think of it as a reward, you will definitely be tempted to wield it, weaponize it and throwing it around like a trophy.
Eventually, you would think withdrawing it is a punishment on the receiver.
When love does not find you, still, you must accept that is not because of something you’ve done, doing nor will do.
Love is not sex. Love is not romance. Love is not gifting. All these are expression of love. These can be weaponized (you must never do that though), but love in its truest form is never a reward nor a punishment.
God does not love us because we are good (reward), neither does He stop loving us because we are bad (punishment). That is his nature.
So, when you love, love for yourself. Love for your nature. If that nature needs work on, work on it. Else, that nature will corrupt your love.
I pray you find love in the right places.
Have a lovely day.
Dear young man,
Perfection is not enough…
It is not the goal of practice.
Consistency is the reason why you should do it more.
But in all, excellence is the end product, not perfection.
Dear young man,
Let it go.
I know she hurt you. She took a part of your life you intended only to share with your wife. She probably made you part ways with values you thought only those who are worth it should have. At the time, she was worth it. You could have known better, but it’s okay. Now you do, so let it go.
Little is said of how much they hurt us as young men. Mostly, we are the culprits. It’s fine though, but for now, let it go.
I know that job really wasted your time and resources. You put in a lot of energy, making it work, pleasing your boss, satisfying your clients. You even made untold sacrifices. Now the job betrayed you. When you needed the confidence of the job, it was taken from you. When you hoped to rely on the sources and resources it would bring, life happened.
Let it go, brother. At the time, it was the centre of your focus. Now it’s not. It’s a pity really, but you did your best. Let it go, brother.
I know he was your friend. He went miles with you. You did some crazy shits together. Nights of mad fun and banters. He even had your back multiple times. Now he has stabbed that same back. He took what belonged to you, converted it for himself and even vilified you. Let it go, bro. He had his moments. You’ll have yours, with success stories.
Let it go, bro.
I understand it hurts. You try to hide the pains with jokes here and there. You even laugh about it, writing funny stories on social media inspired by that painful experience. Let it go. You are healing, and healing demands you let it go. It hurts, but you have to let go. It’s okay. Let it go, and move.
Five years down the lane, you’ll realise how important it was to let these hurts go. Because by then, the hurts won’t matter: your stories of success will. So, let it go; before things leave you behind and move on without you. Because eventually, everybody and everything moves. Decide to let it go, by yourself. Don’t be dragged along.
Let it go, brother. You’ll be fine.
Dear young man,
Travis Greene will not sing on some topics yet, it’s a given! Tim Godfrey will not choose some issues to sing on for a while, it’s a fact! Dunsin Oyekan will not vibe his powerful voice on some subjects, it’s the truth. All of them would not (yet) except divinely inspired and compelled to do so.
Not because they are hypocrites; they are probably still fighting that battle on such ends. Not every silence is hypocritical. Everyone you look up has weaknesses they struggle with and pray on in silent places. No matter how anointed a man of God is, he is still first a man before his anointing.
Anointing makes a man, yet men are only vessels of earthen mould. Pastors and gospel singers are human beings who are in partnership with the Holy Spirit. 98 percent of the time, the Holy Spirit could be in charge. Yet, they also have struggles with the Holy Spirit 2 percent of the time.
Hence, perfectionism is a mirage to expect from people who are also fighting the same struggles you probably face. Sometimes, human nature make them commit mistakes, and the Holy Spirit in them allows them to go through that process to bring them out stronger. Sometimes, they come out hard on followers and fans, whom you believe are whether right or wrong doesn’t matter. You just think these big wigs should restrain themselves more.
“To whom much is given, much is expected”, you say. True, but you don’t realise you did not give them that which they have. What do we have that was not given by God? Even the follower ship you give is from God. The value they also give through the Holy Spirit is from God.
If then you didn’t give, what entitlement do you think you have to ask? If you must ask them, ask through the Holy Spirit. If you must ask at all, ask yourself, through the Holy spirit too. After all, He is the only constant between you and them.
Dear young man,
Someone told a story to us from the pulpit long time ago.
A company had a set of staff who were quick to falsify numbers and do a number of shady dealings; including the boss. Yet, there was one who refused to join in. Many of the staff said horrible things about him, initially. After a while, they just don’t involve him. When there’s a deal to be made, they make sure they don’t run it through him nor his office. Everyone was doing fine.
Suddenly, the company lost a particular staff in a high position, and needed a replacement. This position had perks, involved huge some of money transactions and was indeed instrumental to the company’s success. Guess who was unanimously nominated for the office?! Mr. Do Good!!!
Apparently, everyone in the office knew how chaste, prim and proper he was with his principles and non-tolerance for corruption. They castigated him for it, but when they needed a man of integrity, character and honesty, he was put forward. Although, it would probably block few of their sources for ill-gotten money, but they knew only a man like him would do the job.
I learnt something about people.
You don’t always have to push what they do wrong into their faces. Instead, be around doing what you do best. Befriend them, but watch out for yourself. Don’t tell on them unless your integrity is to be compromised. In essence, watch and pray. When things go sideways, and there’s a need for change, be that help towards the change they desperately need. They would come for you, because they know! Yes, they know.
Resist the temptation to say, ‘I told you so’. There’s no pride in rubbing it into their face. He who’s down does not fear no fall anymore. They are down already, be the help they need coming back up and changing.
In the meantime, uphold your principles. Hold them fast, and never compromise them.
Dear young man,
Today, I have come to sing you the lyrics of one of the most powerful songs ever written. This one by Haratio Spafford, “It is Well with My Soul”.
There’s a popular story behind the song, and in case you don’t know it, here is it.
Horatio Spafford (1828-1888) was said to have been a successful lawyer and real estate investor in Chicago. He and his wife, Anna, had one son and four daughters and lived a life of philanthropy and service in their church, until 1871 when tragedy began. In that year, their four-year-old son died of scarlet fever. Few months later, the great Chicago fire wiped out most of their property holdings. They made it through the next two years until 1873, when tragedy struck again!
The Spaffords had planned to visit Europe as a family, but business kept Horatio behind. On the voyage, the ship Anna and their four daughters were traveling on struck another vessel and sank rapidly. Only Anna survived; she sent a hauntingly brief telegram to Horatio bearing the words, “Saved alone.”
We’ve heard stories like this, I’m sure. Yet, what’s remarkable about this one was Spafford’s response in words. On his own voyage to meet Anna, and as his ship neared the place where his daughters had drowned, he was inspired to write the lyrics for this hymn “It is Well with My Soul.”
When peace like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll
Whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say
It is well, it is well, with my soul
It is well
With my soul
It is well, it is well with my soul
Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul
It is well (it is well)
With my soul (with my soul)
It is well, it is well with my soul
My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, o my soul
It is well (it is well)
With my soul (with my soul)
It is well, it is well with my soul
Whatever you may be going through, seek comfort in the knowledge that God’s got you. Whatever 2020 has turned out to be for you, keep telling yourself; it is well with my soul. As I write this, I’m shedding tears. The weight of everything I’ve gone through in life suddenly comes flooding like a broken dam. Yet, I smile through my tears. I’m going to a better place. I will end up in the best place.
Same with you, brother. Hold on, the storm is but for a while. You will sail through. In the meantime, shout to yourself again right now, “IT IS WELL WITH MY SOUL!”
Say it again, IT IS WELL WITH MY SOUL!
I love you, brother. Cheers!
Dear young man,
My letter to you today is about the women in your life; mother, sister (s), fiance/wife and female friends.
A father once told me; “The day I saw my friend disrespect his mum, I stopped being friends with him. If he could treat his mum like that, what stops him from doing same to my mum?”
I saw reason with him. How everyone treats close people around them is a pointer to how they will treat strangers. Sometimes, it’s not always set in stone. But take note, there are silent signals.
Another female friend was a victim of his brother’s beating. To him, she was young and childish. Hence, beating and public shame would set her straight. He would beat her and if she ran outside to seek people’s protection, he would beat her outside still. Telling everyone how right he was and being a good brother. “You will not spoil in my hand!”, he would shout.
I’m waiting for the day he would get married. Nothing will stop him from beating his wife! I swear down! A man who can beat his sister will beat his wife!
Some years back, I had a friend who talks about his mother in a way I found distasteful. Not exactly bad, but he kept no secret about his mother (that he knew) from us. He would tell us how his mother walked to the bathroom and how long she baths.
He would tell us who his mother is seeing and how much she makes in her shop. My friend would tell us what his mother wore while watching TV last night and what he knew his mother and daddy would be doing at any time of day.
It was only a matter of time before he began to tell others about us, and our female friends (including girlfriends). In the room, everything we do and talk about became public knowledge to whomever was unfortunate to listen. Of course, he saw nothing bad in it. If he could talk about his mum, what right does others have to privacy?
Be careful, my friend. People who talk about women around you anyhow will talk about your woman or women to others anyhow. It’s a cycle. If you want them to stop, make it a duty to always let them know you don’t find it an interesting conversation. Worst, leave when such discussions are broached.
You are not only protecting yourself; you are protecting the women around you too. Have a fruitful week ahead, bro.
Dear young man,
Love is not a tool.
Now, I understand how controversial this might be. Follow me closely, please.
I saw a post on Facebook where a young man supposedly called out women who are quick to assert, ‘You had sex with me’ instead of ‘we had sex’. His argument was sex was both given and taken, therefore takes two to tango.
In my attempt to make sense of the post, I followed it up with discussion with a lady friend of mine. As a matter of fact, it seems to be a case of ‘you had sex with me’ only if the woman does not want it or she didn’t enjoy it.
On the other end, when both parties wanted it, enjoyed it and the emotions are mutual before and after the exercise, then the lady easily agrees that they both had sex. I intentionally ignored the ‘during’ of the sex because at that time, whatever they both feel is probably just biology and chemistry.
During my discussion with my friend, we were able to agree that love making is different from sex, only in the context of love and legality. Which means, when both parties love each other truly, willingly succumb to the exercise of love making and are legal (age & marriage), then there is little or no fear of the feeling of being used after the exercise.
Unless of course, one party has been lying all along about being love. And in most cases, it is usually the guys. The exercise of sex, in most cases, is just sex to most guys. A man, moved by what he sees, can have sex with little or no emotions. It is more difficult for a woman, who are easily swayed by what they hear.
Hence, a guy who only sees a woman as a sex object can choose to lie to be in love just to have his way with her. For such a lady at the receiving end of this, this reality when it hits, hits very hard. A lady would rather have you tell her from the beginning what exactly you want from her. If she’s able to give it without attaching real, deep emotions to the exercise, she would rather agree that way than to fall for a lie.
To this end therefore, some young men have turned love as a tool to secure sex! Without the emotional attachment, young men of nowadays would rather jump from bed to bed, amassing numbers of sexual escapades, promising heaven and earth, and always, claiming to be in love! This is nothing but a clarion call to curses!
Dear friend, it is not cool using love to get into the bed of women who when hurt, can be deadly. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, is not a cliché.. I would tell you to keep your third leg intact and under control. But like Apostle Paul said, anyone who cannot withstand celibacy should get married. If you would choose not to abstain, do not open yourself up to lies and curses all in a bid to satisfy your normal, manly urges. Sex is an appetite; it can be tamed.
A word is enough for the wise.
Dear young man,
I was brought up by a grandmother, who despite raising my dad raised me differently. Beyond being softer with me, it was a period where there were few privileges enjoyed by my generation. My dad and his siblings had to work, sell, and hawk stuff. Not only to support the house but it was to teach them valuable lessons. I needed to be taught those lessons too, but I didn’t need to hawk.
My dad spoke of times when their ‘afternoon food’ (no one called it lunch then) was waiting for them before closing from school, wrapped in an aso ofi that can keep hell hot for 24 hours. Yet, once they return from school, they had work to do. I had to eat lunch too, but I remember it being brought to me in school by 2:00pm. I didn’t need to work upon returning from school, but I still learned the lessons I probably would have learnt working; I discovered myself.
My dad had other siblings to overlook and make sure they keep up with these learning and growing up. I had two cousins to do that with, and their mum. We were almost of the same age but I’m glad we learnt the same lessons. My grandmother allowed me to get away with not eating fish, but she was no nonsense with my dad. She was lenient with me, yet she never allowed me to straw away.
This is my point; styles of raising kids might have changed but the same lessons are evergreen. Standards might have varied, but I’m glad to announce to you that the foundational principles are the same in different families. You would not be able to raise your kids the way you were raised. It would be wrong. Technology and people will influence their growth and how they form morals, but you must realize the sameness of foundation.
I will not teach you how to raise your kids, I don’t have mine yet, after all. What I however, need you to please do is be open to their generation’s uniqueness while maintaining the right moral and religious foundation.
May your kids grow up in a much better world, brother. Amen!
Dear young man,
Be buoyed by what you’ve achieved thus far, but you must realize there’s more where that came from. Celebrate every win. Whether small or big, celebrate the effort and sacrifice it took you to get there. But know this, there’s more where that came from. Hard work, sacrifice and faith are major ingredients of progress, but so is wisdom – the wisdom to know there’s more where that came from.
There was a time when penicillin was the greatest medicine. Right know, we cannot even begin to fathom how much progress has been made with medicine. Did you play games on Nokia 3310?! Snake Xenvia and the likes?! We never thought more advanced games could come. Look at us now, we have virtual games!
Money is NOT the only thing you can make more of. As men, we have fallen into the degenerate pit of always working and scheming to make more money! More money means more comfort, more comfort means more influence. More influence means more power. The cycle never stops. Very sad. Man maketh money but money made man mad!
Your progress is not measured by the steady rise of your salary nor your bank account. The value you provide is the true measure of your progress. Don’t stop looking for that value; to yourself and then to your world. There’s always more where that came from.
Have a great week ahead. I celebrate you.
Dear young man,
Friendship is costly. Here’s a truth: everyone who is ever with you has somewhere else they could be. People who share their lives with you as friends could easily have sold you out. You are not entitled to the secrets your friends decided to let you in on.
The time and resources you decide to share with friends is not a right of friendship. Sure, most of these things naturally come along with true friendship. They are like tears we shed that water the flowers of friendship at our feet. What you must realize though, is that many people will be many things to you AND it does not make any type bad.
We’ve had friends who came for a while and left more, while we’ve had ones who took more than they brought. People have come and gone in your life so much you’ve lost count. Guys you thought you would ride together, die together (bad boys for life).
Here’s the cost of friendship, that you understand the times and seasons of every friend you keep! The price? The price is your standard. What type of friends do you choose to keep? At which point do you hold in or let go a friend? What are the terms of your friendship?
I pray that the friends you make make you.
Dear young man,
I’ve heard you say many times, “hustle must pay”. If I may ask, what exactly is your hustle? Is it enough?
Many of you are out there chasing money and you come in here saying, “hustle must pay”. Making money is not a hustle. Hustle means to proceed or work rapidly or energetically, to push or force one’s way, to be aggressive, especially in business or other financial dealings. #Slang: hustle means to earn one’s living by illicit or unethical means. So, tell me, which is yours?
“I will be a millionaire in future”, is not a hustle. “I want to make 40 million in five years” is not a hustle. It is not even a plan. It is not enough to slave away in businesses and with ideas in the holy name of hustle. If you live your life, earn your upkeep by illicit or unethical means, maybe you’re hustling. If not, you need more. Hushpuppi and his cohorts are the real hustlers; forcefully running around lawns that have been mowed by smart works of men, father, and women. Real, honest businessmen don’t hustle, they work smart with credible ideas and real intel. They work on themselves to work smarter to maximize output.
Hustle might mean working tirelessly on an idea or business project, hoping luck would come through for you. Is that what you want? What I need you to do though, is progressively revamp yourselves with constant development. Every time and every day come up with new, current ways to do business. Ladies and mothers are tired of releasing their futures and daughters into your hands just because you ‘hustle’.
I want to see you have ideas, and creatively develop your ideas in time and chance. Success is not a proof of progress. Why? Success is never final. Success is relative. Excellence, on the other hand, is how I know you are progressing. Why? Excellence is being better today than you were yesterday. Excellence is a product of habit.
And that, my friend, is progress.
Dear young man,
The money you save well is the money you spend well. I repeat, the money you spend well is the money you save well.
I’ve thought about it, how great is it to help people by giving them money? How wise is it to spend money on buying things for and on ourselves? As a person, I concede I probably have not been the best with managing money. I have not made enough to be a magnate, but I like to believe I have enough to be kind. have helped people with the little I have, spent on myself on buying ‘things’. Once upon a time, I had people partially depend on the stipends I got from my parents as pocket money.
Now, when I reflect, I cannot for the life of me, remember most of the things I bought with money. I cannot remember the first phone I bought with my own money. Okay, you got me – my pocket money. 😁 I remember I once traded the laptop my parents bought for me for a new one with just a little extra money as addition. I remember buying clothes, but I can’t remember the end of them.
What I will always remember though is the money I spent on people around me. That is easy to remember, why, because most are still around me. They are doing well and every time I see them, I’m glad I saved my money in them. Clothes, possessions, and personal luxuries will one day wear out with little or no satisfaction. The lifespan of ‘things’ demand that they depreciate with time. The crux of your value is in investments.
Whatever little you have, make it a responsibility to help as many as you can. Save your money in people who you will one day, be proud to have invested in. For what it’s worth, you can always get returns on your savings.
Money is transient, people are permanent. Of course, it won’t always be the same set of people; but when you need money, people will rise for you. I’m proud of my parents because few of the privileges I enjoy today are products of the help and savings they made before I was born.
Let your kids and unborn generation be proud of you too. It is better that way.
Dear young man,
Silence is not always a weapon.
My friend, between men and women, silence is many things. A woman who is silent is yearning to be heard. A silent man is just that, silent. Mistakes of our past are buried in silence against those who can hear us out, those who are able to help us and those, luckily for us, who are both.
Many years ago, I was in a mess. The mess was grave, but my silence was graver. Are you in similar shoes? The truth-lies you tell yourself and the bubble-wall you build yourself all to be safe can be shattered in just one moment of eventuality.
Yes, some things in life are eventual. The propriety of time is eventual. Silence is time-bound. How long you hide and stay silent is just a matter of time. I’ve discovered it is best to determine the time, place and circumstances of your speaking out than allow fate force you. You retain some integrity this way.
You won’t always have the choice of silence, my friend. Life will one day wrench that choice of silence away from you. Sometimes, we get lucky. It throws us to the sheep in lion’s clothing (my case). But sometimes, it feeds us to the lions in sheep’s clothing. You must decide as a man, where your silence will be heard.
After all, silence is not always a weapon.
Dear young man,
Two wrongs don’t make a right, but be careful, in the mouth of two or three, the truth shall be established.
I remember I said difference is not wrong. I know I wrote to you that you owe something to people. I just came to say again, when two or three people say the same thing about you, give it a second thought. Friends who love you will tell you the truth. Friends like me, we might look away most times. There are silent customers like me. We will only tell you when the cup is full or when you are in a good mood.
Some friends are not tolerant. They will give you as it is not. Does not make them bad. You are you; they are themselves. These types of friends care about you just as the silent ones. Sometimes, even more. Some ladies will not like stuff about you. The way you dress. The way you talk. The way you eat, even. Your drive. Your savings. Your pocket. Lots of things. And they will tell you! No shame!
One might tell you. Then two. Then three. Even a male friend. Worst of all is a kid. Please pay attention. Everyone cannot come at you same time on the same thing. Even when it’s on a positive trait you have. You are handsome. You manage time and money well. You speak sensibly. You have a cool, manly aura. Whatever. Think about it twice too. Even thrice.
These are what makes you grow. Trust me, you won’t be always young – you need compliments.
Dear young man,
What is waiting for you won’t wait forever. Who is waiting for you will one day learn to live without you.
The year was 2018, in the land of the living. A young man once lived – well, he’s still living but something dies in the man who keeps silent in the face of something, right? (don’t look at me like that, I didn’t coin it, ask Wole Soyinka). This young man truly fell in love with a lady of his dreams, and all he wished was to marry her, bear children of his dreams and live the life he only ever lived in his dreams.
Alas! It was all in his dreams – if only someone had woken him early enough. Why? This lady didn’t reciprocate his love, not quickly enough. And when it crept on her, not strongly enough. Over the course of a few years, he waited and cultivated the process. He made sure to be around and, in her face, making all the right moves to stay relevant, needed and comfortable with. Unfortunately, it was not to be so.
At last, he grew to be open-eyed and moved on. I mean, what is the point of waiting for someone whom you are probably never going to share hearts in ways you only dream of? By divine orchestration, someone else picked up that heart and loved it like it never felt before – giving 100% love and sacrifice with complete focus.
“So, this is what it means to be loved in return?!”, he asked himself. He had the love alright, now he got it in return.
My dear friend, I hope you did not expect a story of gloom with a tragic ending. True, you will not always have the privilege of waiting forever, no matter how life-supporting that thing or person you wait for is.
When you wait for things/people, sometimes it works out just fine – and sometimes it doesn’t. You must learn to accept and move on with better results. People will leave you, it’s okay. You will successfully hold on to some, that’s fine too… Things you thought would be around forever will one day walk away, it’s the cycle of life.
In all, teach not people how to live without you. Do not run away from friends. Stay as long as you can, and when it is time for you to leave, leave honourably. When they leave too, be honourable about it…
After all, there are only a few forevers in the world.
Dear young man,
My sister (the one immediately after me) is dark, shining, tall and has a great shape. She has dimples too. So ,trust me, she’s really beautiful. Add a bucket full of intelligence, and you have an angel. And for a long time, I had this image in my head perfect for a wife. She must be dark, tall, ebony with a great shape too.
Just like my sister!
It made me spend a looonnngggg time waiting on one when I eventually found her. I waited three years to cultivate her and make her love me. Eventually, I had a solid no.
Dear friend, angels are not always white!
Your expectations are! Our freedom to choose is limited by the mirage of perfection we sometimes create in our heads. Where you hope to find the beauty of an angel, you might find the deception of Delilah. If you will get the best of life, keep an open mind. Surrender to the one whose choice is always the choice.
Sometimes, what you need is not what you want – and what you get is not what you expected. But always, what you end up with will be the best!
Change your focus!
Dear young man,
Two things can be right at the same time… I say again, two things; two views (opinions/people) can be right at the same time. Difference doesn’t mean wrong.
People have different backgrounds, with different experiences. Hence, it is normal we respond to situations differently. With this in mind, the next best thing is to appreciate this difference. Understand that not everyone is out to get you!
You must realize that it is normal for people to oppose your opinions; doesn’t make you or them wrong. What is wrong is not different. What is different is not wrong. Two things can be right at the same time with different choice of usage. 6 and 9 are different ends of the same stick.
W and M were brothers who decided to face different directions. 3 and E are twin sisters with love for Lee Ming Ho and Timini. u and n just happen to like to eat spaghetti as against noodles.
Your partner, friend and boss are not wrong to express opposing views. Given, they are different from yours. Sometimes, they are so apart as Buhari and Obama. Yet, you must agree that two things can be right at the same time. These are human beings, after all!
With enough patience, water can boil stone. With understanding, you will see their points. What is wrong is not different. Abortion and Euthanasia are just other forms of death. What is different is not wrong. Instagram and Facebook are same coins of different currency.
You will avoid a whole lot of physical headache and emotional stress when you realize and accept this.
Dear young man,
Old dogs don’t learn new tricks – they play old tricks on new fields (with new balls).
Lately, I have seen the likes of Ogogo, Jide Kosoko, Saka and a couple of other big, old names of Nollywood make appearances on comedy skits of the likes of Mr. Macaroni, Taooma, Broda Shaggi, Barrister Mike and a couple others. I paused for some minutes the other day and thought about it.
You know what I thought about already: these old ones are fighting to stay relevant, make money in an industry saturated by young comics aided by YouTube and Instagram! Piracy has reduced their potency on home videos, YouTube has birthed new comic actors suited for the new generation and Sitcoms (SGIT) and Reality Shows (BBN) are the favourite money spinners! Few or even none of them has YouTube Channels!
They are not singing neither are they drumming their old heads to create comic content! Yet, they are evolving! Finding an audience from the teeming millions of youths who still reminisce about them!
Dear young man, you will one day grow old if Jesus tarries – where you will compete for relevance with kids who now are boys or unborn. These old dogs have paid their dues, no doubt! They have entertained us for years and we have treated them to succulent bones and cushy cages! Now, the new dogs in town are eating fleshy meat and riding lush cars, living larger than their fathers!
Time and seasons! Relevance, is tied to times and seasons – it’s the way of the world as set by divine orchestration (Gen 8:22).
Dear young man, you will one day become an old dog: a father, an elder statesman, a community leader, a front runner! The tricks you will play to remain relevant won’t be new – you would have been picked them up over the years! Please pick them up well. Pick the right ones. Put in the efforts. Make the sacrifices!
After all, you will not be young forever!
Dear young man,
My girlfriend once spent my whole month salary! For me!
It was in 2018, we just started seeing each other, and I just began to teach full time in a private school where I was paid 20k monthly. Added to that, I taught in a continuing education center where I was paid #700 per class (a class lasts two hours). Added to that, I was a part time teacher in another private school, English Language and Literature. 15k at the end of the month.
I would sneak out of the school to rush to the other school, do two periods and sneak back. No, looking back now, I’m not proud of it. But then, a young man gats do everything to make enough legit money. Was caught few times but was smart enough to influence the timetable in my full time school. With these hourly stipends, I could keep myself up, even despite being paid irregularly before month end.
Unfortunately, I was not the best at savings. In my defense though, these monies never came at the right time and were never complete. Hence, I gave excuses and for a long period, I got away with it. Until, she came along. I needed help, and it came in my girlfriend.
As a young man, please be okay with your trusted partner putting her hand in your money if you are the spending type.
A woman is naturally a multiplier. Give her a sperm, you get a baby. Give her a house, she makes a home. Give her money, she will make an investment.
Isn’t that what we all want with our money?! To multiply it? Your woman could be the help you need in securing a wise future.
Dear young man,
Do you understand what it means to grow higher and forward?
Let me explain using a ladder and a conventional stairway as examples (ladders are special types of stairways too).
Ladders are structures built straight to climb higher in such a way that each rung is placed directly above, but not forward, the last one. Which means, going higher requires you step on each rung above the other in a vertical upward manner (like elevators).
Stairways, on the other hand, are sets of steps, whether straight or spiral, that leads to a top level both vertically and forward (maybe escalators too). As such, they are expected to not only step higher but forward – each rung forward and higher than the last one.
Same thing applies to you, as a man.
Growing up, you must not only grow higher but forward. Growing higher requires you to climb higher step by step but on the same vertical thread; one above the other. You started work as a clerical staff, you move to junior officer. Four years after, you got promoted to senior officer, and then management officer. Finally, you are the boss.
Same company, same brand. Same product, just different levels.
That’s you going higher, climbing the ladder, chasing the dream! Your targets changed, but for the same sets of people. Your co-workers changed, but you only upgraded from shirt and tie to adding a blazer and stylish reading glasses. You started as an opinionated man on religion and male chauvinism. But then, you got converted to female equality and spiritual rhema-ism.
What changed going forward? Mostly not much.
Growing forward and higher, however, includes all, but dictates that you spread that growth forward. As a husband, father, and spiritual gatekeeper of your family, you become every day a better version of yourself for the good of your family.
As a provider, supporter, and motivation of your society, you play your part with every opportunity you get to contribute to the development of that society.
As an office worker for other businesses, CEO of your own business, multilevel marketer of many businesses, you make sure every day you provide value and money-worth influence on fellow workers and colleagues and ultimately to the business economy. As a leader, follower or just a middleman, you volunteer your experiences to people and organisations that are in line with your personal beliefs and strengths.
That is you, climbing the stairs of lives and people, forward and higher. That is you, moving around to influence others into top level positions as a valuable man. Your life is a multifaceted layer of competence that is required you utilize in many ways and places. Your influence, as a man, is measured by how much of yourself you spread around to the people and places who matter.
I therefore encourage you; you are worth more. Remember, you are not only a ladder but a stairway.
So, climb not just higher but forward.
Dear young man,
I’m sorry, but I hope you never have to pay for the sins of another man with a woman.
Most ladies out there have gone through lots of hurts and pains inflicted by other guys. Expectedly, they are going around with a lot of baggage. Some of them were so hurt they’ve become vindictive. They will push you and push you till you break and almost die.
Then they will leave you. Or you will be forced to leave them. If you choose not to go, they will crush you to your last pride. But, I’m glad still. Some of them were so hurt they shut the door against real men like you in solidarity.
“Men are scum!”
“All men cheat!”
Men with genuine intentions, who see beyond the new pains into the old heart are now victims. Innocently and rightly, these ladies guard against you vehemently. After all, love didn’t hurt them, men did.
Times like this, please be patient; accept all the baggage and separate the pain from the woman. Be ready like the trash can, to take all the trash left by other men.
Oju to ba ma dale, koni f’aro s’epin!
Please hold on to them. They are only victims of bad men. They deserve to be loved right. I pray that God uphold you by his strength and reveal the true purpose of your sacrifice to you.
PS: If you are a woman like this, I’m sorry. I can only hope and pray you find true love again in the heart of a real man.
Dear young man,
With Facebook’s care🥰 reaction came a subtle, non-lethal dilemma; what do you exactly care about, the writer or the post? Or both?
Sometimes you don’t engage with the post cause you like it. You just do it cause you like the ‘poster’. Sometimes, it comes with a picture, and that is a lot easier. You just love❤ it. Or worse, you like👍🏾 it.
That is representative of your life too.
Ladies will come your way as timelines; lines passing through time. You will be confused who to really care about; care too much, not at all or for the wrong person. Other times, it will be easier to just fall in love with the physical attributes of the lady. She’s beautiful, figure 8 and has a wonderful smile.
You know there’s more to the picture, but it’s easier to just fall in love than to actually care. At worst, you tap the ‘like’ button. You ‘just’ like her. At those times, remember that life is in motion pictures, but it is lived in real time.
For every smile, there’s a story. For every tear, there’s a pain.
Don’t be afraid to fall in love, be open to caring, knowing you are committed to knowing the story and sharing the pain.
That, my friend, is the real care the ladies hope from you.
Dear young man,
One of the back lashes of being 30 is the respect I get from people who didn’t exactly know my age before. It makes me wanna try to stop them from showing their respect for my number in years, milestones, and influence. One of those milestones is age.
With that age has come a requisite of influence; big and small. Same goes for everything, brother. Everything you have done in life will always have an influence on your connect.
Most people will expect from you, some will just want to inspect you. They will size you up and make judgement; opinions you’re probably not gonna like.
You must therefore realize life is not in circles, it is a straight line. Straight lines don’t meet, yeah but they connect to other lines. Time, places and people are all lines, and they meet.
The life you live is a line drawn. Take care how you draw it. After all, you will come to a point in life that is on the line of another life.
So, stay frosty.
Dear young man,
One way to jeopardize a relationship is to ‘try’ to make it work. It is not okay to keep your options open with a lady you are supposed to be in love with. It is one thing to be all in, it’s another to think you are open to real possibilities.
The only possibility you should be open to is right in your face. Being open to possibilities really means your committed is always gonna be questioned, by you. Being committed, on the other hand, means you must go all the way in. No back up option, no backroom doors.
I have heard some of us say, “We are trying to make things work.” There is no trying in a real relationship, not when you are committed to it. It is like saying you are trying to be serious with getting serious. You are always gonna be trying.
Relax, I am not talking of the damages you could do to the woman with your trial steps. I am more concerned with the damages you do to you and your chances. It is even worse when sex is involved. If we are gonna be real with ourselves, we also pay dearly for it.
The emotional backlash is mostly buried deep, unlike women who are easily expressive. You must know already; guys break down emotionally as bad as women. It only takes time to unearth the buried pains.