BEING A PASTOR’S WIFE: Key Realities (Mary Lawal)

You are probably not married yet, nor do you have a fiancé who is a pastor (yet). Because of this, you would probably want to stop reading the moment you saw the title. Hold on.

Ask yourself, “If you met your 15-year-old self right now, what would you tell her?” Take a minute. Tick! Tock! Tick! Tock! Done? Good! In that same vein, think about this, wouldn’t you rather know today what you might need tomorrow? Put this way, would you rather have and not need it yet than not have it till you need it?

Have you answered that? Great! Now, let’s continue, shall we?!

PS: If you already married and a pastor’s wife, this will benefit you.


The first thing you need to know as a pastor’s wife/fiancé/fiancée or proposed fiancé/fiancée is that being a pastor’s wife is a calling. Just the way God has called your husband/fiancé/proposed fiancée, God has called you too. Do not raise any brow yet, different ministries. This calling I am talking about is in two ways.

The first calling is the calling to be a pastor’s wife. Before you can be a pastor’s wife or you eventually become a pastor’s wife, God must have called you. Real men of God (MOGs) do not marry however they please; they wait on God to hear from him. Even after hearing from God, they take their time before taking any step.

Now, this is the point, no matter how close you are to any single MOG; weekend visit, pastor’s laundry, pastor’s dishes, prayer meetings, late night prayers, pastor’s favorite, and so on, if God does not tell him you are the one, you are wasting your time. You must be called for it and God himself must have singlehandedly assigned you for it before you can be a pastor’s wife. Remember Adam did not ask for Eve, God gave him Eve. God knew it was Eve that would be perfect for Adam.


The second calling is your ministry. While the ministry of your husband is the church, your ministry that God has called you for is “your husband”. Members of a church see pastors as divine humans with perfect lifestyles. They don’t realize pastors also have bad days, sad days, and even cry on some nights. At times, they are not happy, yet they must take care of the fold. Pastors go through tough and difficult times too, they feel broken too, heartbreaks, rejection, etc. Yet, they must not be weary. They will not let the members see their weakness, their vulnerability; that is where your ministry as a pastor’s wife comes in – YOUR HUSBAND (The Pastor).

A pastor’s wife is an auto mechanic that lubricates the damaged part (s) of her husband. She is the pastor that pastors the pastor behind the pulpit. A pastor’s wife is called to ministry to help her husband’s calling, dream, purpose, mission, and vision. Pastors, Apostles, Prophets, Bishops are all titles, behind these names is an imperfect man who makes mistakes he mostly cannot reveal about in public. That is your ministry as a pastor’s wife, to be the secret keeper, the adviser.

While everyone views them as perfect (we both know they are not), mama, it is your duty to point out his errors in love and submission because chances are only few will dare. It’s your duty to criticize him in private, if need be, before anyone does. That was the reason why God created Eve to help and assist Adam’s ministry. Give him peace. If you give him peace of mind, he will minister with ease and function well, but when you give him war, even with the auction to function, he will be struggling to manifest.


In this outline, I have, by the help of the Holy Spirit, outlined ten key characteristics of a pastor’s wife. When next I come your way, I will move on to the second key, financial independence. See you then!


Mary Lawal Esq.